grey

a push and the electricity of rage
unstops the pebble that kept it all apart
future and past
am i a fool to think that i will move freely
from this circular river
a vortex

we are (are we) the product of our choices
so what to choose
break solemn vows whispered under the bangs and bickering
the thousand hail mary's
and the belief that
freedom lay ahead

so then what will i become
with these choices or non choices
i hoped our love could liberate us
but so did they
the black and white of blue
victim storm
the shame and silence
what to do what to do
the shame of telling
what difference will it make

our safe place is gone
dreams from underwater
my legs tremble
i fill my lungs with smoke
i have not cried yet
will i ever

and the dark paralyzed fear seeps in dank crannies
what can i hope for now
can i forgive
can we move on
should we move on
will it happen again
how can i stop it

blue i

what happens
when our lips touch

the world changes for an instant
our bodies and our beings
move toward each other
in absolute longing. it has always
been like this
between us

so how do we separate
bodiesfromminds
or how do we get
our heads to at least
agree
when mine is screaming
to recoil and dive in at the same time
and the only thing you know for sure is you love me

side-step

you speak to me
and my face flames
up
the curiosity of your
questions
and answers remembered
the side-step dance
between us

and i hate it
hate the way you stay in my mind
the way i can't keep it under wraps
it slips out
now i get egged on with a smile
then we pretend we're strangers
ignore our confession
as if it never happened
but like ghosts that don't really exist
the words between us haunt me
but how my heart jumps
when i see you

sand

we were making
sand spirals in the starlight
for the moment we were
free

of all the no's & yeses
questions unanswered
just if we could stay
there
for longer
it would be okay
if as being together
was that and then
two happier people
would be hard to find

swim with me

if you would
swim with me to the other side
through the fear
and the cold
maybe
we could
rise as from baptism to something new

the bridge between us
seems broken
who is to blame
if blame will help
how this will end?

if you could
push that wall away
that holds you stiff
and let the water flow
you could be happy
but maybe i'm just
seeing me in you
and this is what i need to do
how can i feel so mute and dead
now so soon

mute between us

words fall mute between us
and implode inside me
gurgling and frothing
my insides

outside somehow skin
holds it all together
the mush and the mute

words die voiceless
inside me
and slowly seep away
like old blood between
my legs

our death lies silent
in my head
some fear that holds
me in this

shammed and shattered
peace to piece
lost

room

i am an empty room
falling apart
i am lost but trying
to hold it together
i want to be able to change
and stick to it for
a good while
i want to stop this
fall from grace